words are jumbling inside my head and thoughts cramped into a tangled mess. a lot of things to be written down, memories of long bleak days with a season of rainstorm. i’ve learned not to withheld the things inside my head and put down the rose colored glasses.

in a world seen through colorful filters and superficial words, is there still a room for rawness and vulnerability?

The Wild Storm

On My Way Home

Oh, it’s been almost a year since my last post. Look at this place, vacant and dusty — words that also describe my condition this past one year. How are you, everyone? I saw some people have been through really hard times. I pray and believe that Our Good Lord guides each and everyone of you with His Spirit, until finally we can see that Sun still shines behind the thick dark clouds.

And, folks, when I write this, it is not only to give a message of strength for you but also for myself. The past one and a half year was though, was really though. It was not just a bumpy road, it was also dark and my foolish self was very scared til I chose to close my eyes. Isn’t that what we tend to do? In the darkest and scariest road, we tend to close our eyes and stay still. When the roaring thunder shatters through, we chose to close our ears. Until one time a voice calls through the night but I could not listen.

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Fiksi, Uncategorized

Tentang Kopi

Caramel frappe?”

“Nggak. Americano aja. Satu.”

Pemuda itu menatap perempuan di sebelahnya dengan heran sejenak, lalu ia menepis perasaan bingungnya dan memesan kedua minuman itu kepada lelaki di belakang komputer kasir, mengeluarkan sejumlah uang yang disebutkan, lalu mengambil bukti pembayaran sebagai tanda pengambilan minuman mereka nanti.

Mereka memilih untuk duduk di meja kosong di sudut ruangan.

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Satu persatu.

“Kenapa Firman Tuhan diumpamakan seperti pelita? Kenapa ngga senter atau obor yang jauh lebih terang?”

(hening sesaat)

“Karena Firman-Nya menuntun selangkah demi selangkah. Sedikit-sedikit. Tuhan ingin kamu melakukan yang Ia izinkan hari ini, esok punya urusannya sendiri.”

(Pembicaraan ini dikutip dari seorang kakak persekutuan.)

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Log #6102

The dark clouds keep hanging above and I put my feet on the unpaved road. A big rain fell a few days ago and filled the pathway with mud. My feet got stuck and I muttered curses. I thought I took the right turn, but turned out it was an endless walk through thorny bushes and the road was full of rock. At night, the cold wind blew and the bright noon sun do not appear, it rained almost the whole day.

Sigh. I cannot do this anymore. Regret filled my thoughts, all the what ifs and the what could’ve been and should have been filled my mind. Continue reading